TiME

I'm cynical again. Drats.

Everytime just before book in i always get the same sinking feeling and feel that life is too short to be spent doing things of little meaning or purpose. I've discovered that i'm quite the calculative sorta person who does stuff on a CBA more often than not. I really hate to know that i am forced into an organisation where i am of today, an object of national policy, where to fulfill the dreams of the greater good at the expense of my own. A small resentment i guess that makes me want to leave home, leave my beloved Singapore. Why is it that this small piece of land i love so much cannot give me the freedom to live life a way i want it to be? Why is it always it seems that everything she does is for the economy. I see, another calculative bitch on Earth, we're never alone are we?

Oh well, i guess i'll just go through the motion of this 'elite' training i'm supposed to be going through now, if i can cut off 2 mins off my SOC that is, a disgustingly mountanious feat for poor 'ol me. Then again emerging victorious from our shortcomings is always a great feeling huh? A Scholar, an Officer, a Gentlemen. I like that.

Time. I can't get enough of it!

Luke said something about the great irony of our life is that in our world there is a million and one things to discover and understand, yet more often than not we neglect our families and fail to understand them before they leave us for good. Is everyone the same? That we wished to grow up, work hard and repay them for the love that they had given us while in our infancy through till manhood? That we take for granted that they will still be around for us repay this debt?

Suppressive environments make me think alot, make me learn alot, make me grow alot. Just like how obiwan said to darth vader just moments before his death -> that if you were to strike me down, i will be more powerful than you can ever imagine. 1998. its been 6 years and i still live each day with that line imbued into my head ...

I've been staring up at the celing much too often and i'm terribly confused whether all this so-called elite training is really the best for me, or if i could live more fullfilment if i could be learning to drive, fish, jog round my neighbourhood, taking photographs and posting them on my webbie, blogging and immortalising time that will never return and oh well ..... the litany goes on forever i guess.

There is perhaps only an hour left for me before i go for a week long field camp, worst yet i've been appointed platoon commander for one of the missions to defend dear 'ol tekong fibua.

Do i really need this?


onionknight thinks he wants this more! haha.