I hate it when things are hastily done when you are so caught up for time. So i did it but freaking it was so hastily done i'm thinking about so many worst case scenarios. Oh well. Its over already, isn't it? Or has it just began? My mind's a little swirl. bleah.

Procrasinations.

"Just chiong and get it over and done with one good time." - allan yue on my SOC.

but this is not SOC.
this is worst.

C'mon u asshole just get it over and done with, one good time.
there's not much left to 2003 already!

*deep thought*

Festive Cheer!

Wee, what can i say about this christmas? Its almost so perfect ... well at least i'm feeling the way i should during christmas! I'm all happy and cheery and such. I guess the whole 2003 has been a pretty interesting year afterall, a factor why i'd think that maketh me somewhat cheery this year end. Outstanding exam results, actually flying an aeroplane while serving NS, living a life of a recruit, specialist, pilot trainee, clerk and now officer cadet! Gosh! Interesting indeed. Just one, all i have is just just just just just this last piece of of the jigsaw to wrap up 2003.... damnit. Just one more .... why am i hesitating? =D

HoHoHo...

Expressions of Truth.

Its always a nice feeling to, by sheer coincidence reach out and actually come into contact with some reading which is so close to heart. I clipped out an exerpt from Dr. George Sheehan's book "Running and Being", a passage which contents had immediately synchronised with my thoughs and the power of its speech resonate through my body and straight into my bones, uneffortlessly blending its essence into myself. Its this feeling when you already have patches of such same sentiments only for a great being to summarise and masterfully poise it into a bitesized bits of words to be appreciated, and for you to share to those you love around .....

"But I must wait. Wait and listen. Only through inner stillness can we reach the miraculous intelligence that we all possess. When truth finally strikes, the brief, blinding illumination tells me what every writer eventually learns: To write the truth, you must first become the truth. The mystery of all this is that I must let it come to me. If I seek it, it will not be found. If I grasp it, it will escape. Only through complete nonattachment, only by existing purely in the present, will I find the truth. And where truth lies, I will also find the sublime and the beautiful, laughter and tears, joy and happiness. All this, of course, defies logic. But so does life. We live, then explain things after the fact, and imperfectly." - Dr George Sheehan.

The Evil Side of Christmas.

Its a lovely lovely christmas! Perhaps the happiest one i had in so many years. I guess you just need to pyscho yourself into it? Haha, and perhaps just plan a little and most importantly do little things to make yourself happy! Oh well. Too much to say and i am a little tired out to mention much now, main purpose is to put up a silly picture of myself when i was snoozing off at a stayover at Terence's. Betrayed by friends i say! Freak.

I'm scared. I'm suddenly so frightened of the pace of my own imagination its making me somewhat fearful if my body can ever keep up with it. I've never felt so crazy before, crazily inspired that is! To be a commander of my own self, to steer this vessel of living, breathing flesh (and fats) into such unknown waters of adventure.

I've never had such enthusiasm towards life, i'm so afraid it will be as transient as the december rain falling outside. But i find solace in the fact that it has already been 5 months since i started on this journey of recreating myself to be a gem that i could be proud of.

And one proud being i am! Its great to indulge into some self praise sometimes to realise how insanely beautiful life is around you. But this is no time to be over conceited and let my guard down. There is so much work to do! So much things to plan for, to act for to do it once and do it all over again! Is it fear of my fleeting youth that is pushing myself so hard forward?

Help!

I never knew feeling inspired could be so scary. eek.

Insanely Beautiful Indeed.

Breeched!

I'm mildly suprised to see a "stranger" actually stumbling upon my blog. Okay, not that i'm un-cool with the idea but ... how RANDOM can one get to actually stumble in? Scary hor, i'll take note to blog lesser sensitive stuff liao! But since the day i started blogging i already came in with the idea of keeping it transparent enough for any tom-dick-or-ws- to stumble in. =D

All this invasion! I cant stand it but all i can think of now is the earth flying everywhere when a banglore torpedo ignites and blows up the concertina barricade. have i been so poisoned by the SAF? FREAK.

Anyway .... few more hours left to my first official week in service term. drats.

i want my ....

christmas tree
to finish final fantasy x-2
to start kotor (knights of the old republic)
to watch wujiandao3
to watch LOTR
to finish karekano
to cook my pasta
to snooze into the splendid december weather
to do "that-something-stupid" haha.

karekano! karekano! kareshi kanojo no jijou! I love every second of it! ahhhh............. i'm in love i'm in love! hahahaha.

If only we could stop and stare.

Somehow, i find myself slipping past time at a pace where i can hardly even catch my breath. This moment i'm doing this, the next i'm thrown into another novel situation, knowing that i'll be doing something different the next. I'm thrown with so much choices with so little time, i'm scared. Fearing that i might make the wrong moves and end up stalemating myself. Life has never gotten more exciting. PHEW!

Its so fast its scary, thats all i can think of of it now. There are so many things i want to do! Argh. My imagination is forcing myself to move so fast my body can hardly keep up. Its the same euphoria i get sometimes when i go on long distance running. Nice, painful shot of feelings streaming in. Knowing that even for just one brief moment at the end can offset whatever sacrifice made before.

I've never felt so free, i've never felt so crazy, i've never felt so good about life.

and its scaring me.

somehow i think i need a break even before the real deal has began. To stop and stare and enjoy beauty even in the stillness of time, rather than the opposite.

Not-So-Silent-Rain

Juex d'enfants is a great show. Okay, its alerady been 3 days since i caught the film but it just HAS to be mentioned here in the blog. Its like fate really! Since i had initially wanted to watch love actually but the tickets were sold up. So then being the "philo-french" typa person it was a natural second choice. (not to mention dream babe cortillard was in it too! oh kewl!) Anyway, love flicks are great, especially those crazy irresponsible type portrayed in Love me if you dare. DAMNIT. I'm still caught up in the impulsive vibes of the show, i'm damn certain i'll do something silly this christmas. *evil grin evil plot* Damn, i think the show would have been complete if i were with another girl instead of ..... ahahaah okok shall not demean pple...

Whats with the not-so-silent-rain. Bah, initially wanted to write out something i had penned while having V3R lesson just now .... i mean, the december rain never fails to make me into this introspective mood. Heh. =D Christmwas and the festive mood, and waiting to do sth stupid. haha.

Wait and see.... i'm ready to rock this world.

If internet was an amazing discovery here at the mess, there is another - LAN gaming. Freak. Officer cadets really have so much better welfare then my ex-sispec bretherens. Well, perhaps there really is an evidently more stuff to mug for and responsibilities to carry, if i could enjoy all this welfare that soothes the tough training what more could i ask? Oh well. But i guess this slack and actually enjoyable life will be short lived. I seriously doubt we would get to use such facilities when REAL training starts. Oh well. Its supposed to be orientation aint it? So much for weekday blogging. Hmmm. I wonder if i could still do this next week at least? The scheduel so far aint all that tough.

But also. There is IPPT tommorow. Something which i had never cared about has suddenly become a concern when you realise you cant even satisfy the basic criteria of just a ... pass.

I'm overwhelmed by the "fun" factor now that it has totally consumed whatever introspectiveness i had previously while stoning away in bunk or lying in bed before sleep. Well ... their faithfully jotted into my notebook and perhaps will only find its way to the digital realm this weekend. =) I wished there were some confirmed plans this weekend that i could look forward to. heh.

There ..... lady luck shines no more when she feels that 19 years old is an old enough age to put me back into a stay-in lifestyle. Here i am.... in tango wing, ocs. CRAP. At least i managed 6 miserable pull ups before lunch man. At least that makes me feel better when i actually have my IPPT test on wednesday morning.

Ain't it nice to have an internet connection? It makes me feel so much better. This keyboard feels damn good too, springy. Good. Got my bunk and found myself a new buddy. He's actually from 51/03 foxtrot wing too. He's a pretty nice guy, christian and somewhat talkative with a somewhat philosophical outlook at life. Somewhat like me? But perhaps too early to say. I mean .... it has only been less than a day of talking with him. Well ... at least he'll be my buddy for this 2 weeks. Nothing else to talk about him, except that he is a terrible chain smoker. Yes, as i type this he is smoking. Freak. Thats like the 6th? 7th? Time today?? Oh well. He's been helpful and friendly. Nothing much i can complain.

This re-joiners batch is motely bunch. Filled with rather interestig characters as i can see so far. But sadly, all seem rather fit. Heh, except for that armour chap who came back from NTU. Looking at his plumper build makes me feel somewhat better. 6 scholars all from PSC too. Can't hurt to have some brains in your group huh? Oh well.

Think i shall leave now, nothing much to do online cos the icq and msn messenger seems to have been cleverly disabled on this comp. DAMN. Oh well. 4 click run tommorow. bleah.