My Devotion.

We are but rebels with a cause, some time through your life you'll be so deeply inspired to throw your life for a cause. It is perhaps but a way to seek a purpose and understand why we actually move on. Such a spirit which keeps us alive, that makeths every breath a renewal to an otherwise confused soul.

We live in a world full of treachery and deceit, only when we seek a truth will we walk placidly amongst the noise and haste. What is my devotion then? This elusive scentless, weightless, dimensionless, colourless ... thing (?) which i will devote my whole heart into?

Have I found you?

Who you wanna be yah?

1. H i d e o K o j i m a i s a g o d .

2. H a n s Z i m m e r i s a g o d .

3. J o h n W i l l i a m s i s a g o d .

4. A n n o H i d e a k i i s a g o d .

to these four great people i've grown up and been inspired by .... i thank you all .... i love you all. you've made this world such an Insanely Beautiful place.

I'm the Proudest Monkey.

Its always a nice feeling to accomplish something you've set out to do. 16mins later with saline droplets of sweat running down my face, back and arms, i feel so much more refreshed. Running has seriously become a new source of renewal for me. For this, and the thousands of calories burnt, i thank the SAF.

A quarter of an hour could have been spent staring blankly into space but i chose to spend it running. Something which might have been unconceivable just one year ago. Fine, one year and ONE day ago when i was still holding my favourite pink (IC lah!). Has my experience in the SAF changed me? From the crawling maggot that we were once known in BMT to the "fucked up malau* you" we're affectionately reffered to at OCS Tango? The thought that I've changed so much in such a short year refuses to leave my mind .... looking back ..... I'm suddenly so proud of this living, breathing mass of flesh, blood and slightly lesser lipid being known as, me.

Have i been too humble? But i never thought of myself to be a successful sorta person, with achievements that i never really thought to be of much significance. But right after my short run round Tanah Merah Neighbourhood, it suddenly just hit me that there certainly were stuff to be proud of ...

Perhaps its time to actually start recognising my own achievements and actually giving myself more credit for the stuff i've actually have with me. A loving family, great friends, fantastic results, a healthy body, perfect eyesight with 80% of my life spent in front of an LCD screen, platoon best in sispec, an now and officer to be .... i'm not exactly the perfect sorta person lee phui man would have been proud off... but as it is .... i am one happy person.

and being happy is the most important thing in this world.


"who is the girl? that i feel of a presence as of late." - dolce triade

Poem of Me.
inspired by the stupidity of friendster.

Gender: Male Interested in
Meeting People for: Friends, Activity Partners
Status: Single Age: 19 Occupation: Object of
National Policy Location: Singapore Hometown:
Red Earth Interests: ORD Favorite Music:
Jazz Jazz and More Jazz! Norah Jones,
Dave Matthews Band, Everclear,
Emi Fujita, Ben Folds Five, The Pillows
(Band of FLCL), Lisa Ono, Jay Chou, David Tao,
Stephanie Sun Favorite TV Shows:

what is tv?
bout Me:

everything,
anything,

long island iced tea, trekking, jazz,
evangelion, photography,
sleeping, cows, soccer, iced-coke,
computers, internet, gainax,
norah jones, fishing, rugby, stoning,
dreaming, thinking, watching the rain,
deep surrealism, FLCL, rei ayanami
testimonial 01: First! Weiyi has certainly
come a long long way... From a
chubby (euphemism alert!) 13 yr, he's
blossomed into a handsome,

intelligent, fine young man.
Also, he's a bonafide
SNAG. And that
is what I feel completes Weiyi.
The man has emotions, and he's not
afraid to show/express
them. Weiyi was the captain of our
sec sch (DHS, in case anyone wondered)
badminton team of 2000 and I had the
honour of being teammates with him
for 4 years. He's so capable, but yet
always so humble, which amazes
me at times. Open (he always welcomes
friends over to his house),
passionate, loyal, inspired, these

With only less than 2 hours left to this cold, wet friday i finally realised how significant this date was. silly me. Its been exactly ONE YEAR already. wow. Somehow it has come to a point of time that everything seems endless ... but right here, right now on the significant anniversary day of one year w/o my favourite pink ..... i'm actually afraid all will pass too quickly.

random new year thoughts -> effort = money. at least during CNY, =D.

Yume no Nake.

An hour later with her voice still in my heart, I thought i really missed her. Suprised once again that anyone could again leave such a mark in my heart, a memory forever painted onto this 19 year old canvas. A collection of rich imagery of dark hues but slowly emerging forth into a colourful rainbow.

It was different, then.

Sometimes I question my new found optimism. This stepping out of cynicism that i thought could never occur in this mess of rampant disorder. Who would have guessed that the happiest ending where little onion eventually stepped out of his deep blue funk was when he was well .... alone.


onion swore to protect those he love, and even those who have hurt him before.

Celebrating New Year with a BANG!

Happy Chinese New Year dudes and dudettes! Somehow i'm not very excited with all the festivity this year in this pretty year of the monkey. Perhap's its also cos i have yet to clear my SOC due to tuesday's inclement weather. Oh well. Just gotta ration myself properly this 5 days and carry out my plan of running every morning. YESH. EVERY MORNING. Haha.

Anyway STII is almost over and i can already feel myself missing tango wing. Its really a damn beautiful place with great people....cadets, instructors and storemans who still owe me lots of cab fare money. Anyway, monday was great fun during our DML package and GPMG live firing. Tskk. Once in a lifetime i guess to see all those pretty explosives blow up everywhere. Kinda adds to the noisy ruckuss of the new year huh? Oh well. Last but not least a BIG happy birthday to dear ol' Zhaoqing in London! 21 years old already. GOSH. We're gonna be adults? Sobz. I'm really missing my adolescene already. Grrrr......


TnT looks like cornflakes and seriously taste like ginseng. Try it when u got the chance! Haha. Lucky arent we in NS?


7.62mm Tracer rounds illuminate the night in slow exposure. Pretty!

Celebrating the year of the MONEY ... erm Monkey i mean....

When guys bunch up in a group i dont think the only thing we talk about is girls and sex. Or is it just that we're finally growing up? The recent weeks talk amongst my buddies have been revolving more around careers and money. I guess something which excites me more than girls. haha. Anyway, can't help it! I seem to be spending ALOT more money nowadays, pampering myself with all sorta stuff ... clothes, books, good food, magazines, shoes, bags etc etc etc ..... VW Beetles, Vespas, Nikon SLRs, Apple Ti Notebooks, Sony SOund Equipments, even chic kitchen appliances......... gosh....... too many too many things i'm falling in love with ..... nooooo..........

Am i growing up to be a materialistic person i never saw myself to be?
FREAK.

I'm stressed. I'm stressed that i'll not earn enough to satisfy this hedonistic nature. Or was it epicurean? Arf. MOOOONEEEY.

=(

i'm grumpy.

Life is like an RPG game. I kinda like to see it this way, a sort of adventure with a seemingly endless and timeless finale waiting to unfold. There is always this granduer associated with all my favourite RPGs, an epic, a legend, a saga. Insanely Beautiful!

New experiences, new skills, special job classes and distinct features that sets to define myself as a unique individual in this vast world. Did i forget the people i'll meet? Places i'll visit? Thing's i'll be doing? Memories that i will carry on forever?

I'm a protangonist of my story, my own fantasy perhaps where character development is progressive and each new adventure just heralds in new more exciting phases in life. The current chapter as it is, is where our dear onionknight is stuck as a peon of national policy and somehow through all the bullshit and restricted freedom and all .... i think i've come to cherish this short 2.5 years of my life which is toally stress free and yes .... as i've mentioned in twenty-o-two that it will be a good break from studying and the paper chase. I think i've grown some sort through this suppressive environment and discover the wisdom of personel mastery and how important it will be in the outcome in this "game" of life. Still .... i wished i could have more time ... rather than to book in in like 4 hours. sigh.

There is no success, w/o loss. No victory without pain ....

Pasir Laba SOC ground, a holy ground in more ways than one to me. A personel battlefield where i have been too deeply ingrained into, too connected to it physically and spiritually. Even at the other end of the island, i still can feel its calling, challenging me, taunting me and daring me .....

sweat, blood, tears, spit and footmarks.... i've left almost all there .... too many times already without any success. It has somehow evolved to become my sole arch enemy ... this terrible ground of tarmac, mud, grass and 11 obstacles. Every bend, slope, pothole, earth, tree and pebble .... it never fails to wind through my mind ..... 09:29mins of it all ...... every day ..... i imagine that one insanely beautiful day i will conquer, overcome and defeat this gauntlet ....

I run, i run like hell......... like hell ........

Pain knows no boundaries, recognises no ethinicity, favours none and despises all. I am just one of another of its victim. Merciless as it is, we carry it all, endure it all and emerge through every bit of it all - and its one incredulous fantastic feeling. It sounds totally insane but i've grown to love this pain from continuous physical exertion. Somehow through the run, through the tears and pain there would be this inner silence from within where your mind, soul and body fuses together as one entity, binded by pain and the refusal to submit to it. Every weakend step is exchanged for a growth in your hearts ability to pound faster, pump harder and nourish your body with blood, oxygen and life. The continuous cyclical opening and closing of your heart valves and thumping sound it creates against your chest is like a dragonboat's drumming, exerting an aura of power, pace and determination to excel and to overcome.

Sweat cleanses your body and soul, reaching into places a shower can never clean. Sports, physical exertion and especially running has become a new source of inspiration and renewal for myself and i hope to inspire all who read this to share the experience.

Afterall, we all know that PLC's SOC is not my real enemy, but the devil is from within. My lethargy, spirit and excessive lipids are the real obstacles from running my perfect 09:29.

Nil Sine Labore!

late late too late!!! this is the xx time that i've come too late to order my 'ji dan mian' from the mess. ARGH. FREAKING good stufff....when will be the next time i can actually eat it............. =(

yay POI is over and other than a few injuries like scratches, blisters, headaches and some foot rot all is well! WEeeee....2/3 of field camps are over. I just need to pass the frickin SOC, something which i guess is really tooo tough.... sigh..... oh well i had fun while it last at least!

bleah.
did i forget to mention that allan got air force sword of honour? coolness. i dont need such perks...i just want my 'ji dan mian'!!!

TiME

I'm cynical again. Drats.

Everytime just before book in i always get the same sinking feeling and feel that life is too short to be spent doing things of little meaning or purpose. I've discovered that i'm quite the calculative sorta person who does stuff on a CBA more often than not. I really hate to know that i am forced into an organisation where i am of today, an object of national policy, where to fulfill the dreams of the greater good at the expense of my own. A small resentment i guess that makes me want to leave home, leave my beloved Singapore. Why is it that this small piece of land i love so much cannot give me the freedom to live life a way i want it to be? Why is it always it seems that everything she does is for the economy. I see, another calculative bitch on Earth, we're never alone are we?

Oh well, i guess i'll just go through the motion of this 'elite' training i'm supposed to be going through now, if i can cut off 2 mins off my SOC that is, a disgustingly mountanious feat for poor 'ol me. Then again emerging victorious from our shortcomings is always a great feeling huh? A Scholar, an Officer, a Gentlemen. I like that.

Time. I can't get enough of it!

Luke said something about the great irony of our life is that in our world there is a million and one things to discover and understand, yet more often than not we neglect our families and fail to understand them before they leave us for good. Is everyone the same? That we wished to grow up, work hard and repay them for the love that they had given us while in our infancy through till manhood? That we take for granted that they will still be around for us repay this debt?

Suppressive environments make me think alot, make me learn alot, make me grow alot. Just like how obiwan said to darth vader just moments before his death -> that if you were to strike me down, i will be more powerful than you can ever imagine. 1998. its been 6 years and i still live each day with that line imbued into my head ...

I've been staring up at the celing much too often and i'm terribly confused whether all this so-called elite training is really the best for me, or if i could live more fullfilment if i could be learning to drive, fish, jog round my neighbourhood, taking photographs and posting them on my webbie, blogging and immortalising time that will never return and oh well ..... the litany goes on forever i guess.

There is perhaps only an hour left for me before i go for a week long field camp, worst yet i've been appointed platoon commander for one of the missions to defend dear 'ol tekong fibua.

Do i really need this?


onionknight thinks he wants this more! haha.

Members Separate.

Its tough to see someone close to you in pain. Worst still when it is a feeling of betrayal your dearest friend is in. Something which i think is one of the worst act a human can suffer from. Why is it this madness thing called love, without any dimension, weight, scent, taste or even touch has a power to bring endless pain for anyone?

I was cleaning my room when all this happened, the world's most thearaputic act for me. I was blasting Act1.0 of the karekano soundtrack benson lent me, and though most of the songs were lighthearted orchestral tunes, i kept thinking about vengence and seeking justice. Funny how events seem to weave together, but i felt an unjust i could not just let go off .... I hate it when hatred boils up from a deep within abyss of myself, a raw elusive evil that scares me. But i guess when we've been betrayed or trampled upon too many times in life, its inevitable for us to want to retaliate ....

and such, why is it that i cannot see why but the girls around me seem to be such a unresponsible lot. Am i just blind to their thinking? An absolute terror field (see evangelion) so thick that it has mirred my vision of their truth? Or is it true that i'm surrounded by such beings who can so devilishly betray you behind your back, only to turn around and dispose an angelic smile of innocence? Must it be again that the males have to carry the burden of separation and accept the hardship of working for altruism? Why is it that friends around me, people i have held in respect begin to subject themselves to selfishness and hurt those around? Is this fair?

Then again it is a fallacy to think that all things in life is perfect, life would not be life if things were made out too easy for us. Perfection of beauty, i guess comes from the very imperfection of beauty itself; a delicate balance of both to bring out the nicest shade of it.

Last of all i'd like to end all this with a quote from karekano which i love (the quote and the show!)

"When people stick their heads together and think for each other, maybe then we can even live a life more happy than the ones we lead." - Kareshi Kanojyo no Jijyo